light skinned

hair so long that it touch your bra strap

light eyes to match the race of the men that once raped my

african great great great grandmother aunt and cousins

hips so wide as the shoulders with the ass to match

waist as thin as a teenager at 14

and thats beauty today in my generation

so what about the rest of us?

that are blessed to be as black as blood when it travels through your veins

kinky hair knotted to the top of heads as the teeth of combs break through

the over weight women are they not beautiful?

they say the first man you love is your father

i never knew mines

instead i looked for love in places i had no business being

in people i had no business seeing

telling every man that i ever loved

hey brother i love you

and every man that came into my life he was my king

kneeling before these men kissing and washing their feet

they were the mere presence of god

sent from heaven to replace the man who should have been there

i gave myself to these men i loved because they loved me back

they loved me with with kisses to the forehead

and smacks to my ass

they loved me with phone-calls that often turned sexual

and i replaced that love with me giving everything that i ever had as a woman

so they would know that in my eyes they were the greatest gifts ever

often wore the tightest clothes

showing off every curve of my body

leaving noting to the imagination

lip gloss to the lips that spoke the seduction

the hips that swayed passed every nigga with a dick

i needed the attention

i needed for someone to hold me

grad my hand and walk me on the journey of life

and when i needed my dad all

i had was these niggahs

the ones who really only wanted to fuck

and it took my heart being thrown out the window dragged drowned and stabbed

to even realize these things

the nights that i stayed up and thought about this man

the tears that should have been in his chest

soaking the shirt that i got him for fathers day instead

i am layed up with a man who wont even remember my name come morning

women of a fatherless generation love different

we love within our soul to fill the empty void

we love like it is the only thing in life that will ever get us through

we love because at the end of the day

love was all we ever knew

we lack the love of a father and gained the love of the world

one that has labeled us bitches and hoes

we want to be queens too

yet we are mocked with by those who know their fathers

yet all they do is complain about how he aint shit

id do anything to be in their shoes 

im glad that i have grown

i am not sorry for the path that i took trying to fill that emptiness in my heart

when people ask me what happen i say

women of a fatherless generation loves differently!

creativity of the mind is inevitable

painting pictures of a portrait

etching it out in words

providing the best images

they say your dreams are vivid pictures of your future

and i like to write my pictures out

beginning with in the beginning or once upon a time

sometimes i cant think of what to say

my mind is blocked by a haze

or if something doesn’t seem normal

i write around it and pretend i didn’t see it in my head

i lay in bed notebook beside me

waiting for the voice in my head that tells me its time

it seems i only write at night

they say thats when god decides to talk to you

and he tells me a lot

its been nearly 2years in this writers block

feeling discourage telling myself i wasnt worth it

i was my worst enemy

standing in the mirror yelling you are no poet

you are a mere pretender

filled with an imagination so vivid

it only seems as if you are a writer

blogs became quiet

friends asking me whats wrong

i smiled with the widest grin

playing it off like i never wrote in my life

so nonchalant when people told me i was gifted

wheres your novel quin

your playing quin

i just knew you would get older and be famous quin

inside my soul yearned for the greatness that i once knew

the curse of not believing in myself only killed my ambition

no more

i will no longer give this thing a name

i will say it is my transition from greatness

i am only striving to become better

im smokin in exotic my girl aint got no stomach everytime she come around she always ask me for a hunnid

hello kitty or die

Its about being comfortable in my own skin

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM ILLNAHNAH

sometimes i wonder if ill be famous
sitting back smoking weed getting faded
my mind is tainted by the negativity
wondering how ima make it who im meant to be
painting pictures
hazy visions of make beliefs
trying to hold on to the strength mentally
why do they hate me
pouring a glass of liquor so i wont remember
and every December
my life takes a lil turn
lighting up one last time
trying to find the words
i want to go home to where im not wanted
so many people hate me there
because i fronted
because i was gunnid
all i ever wanted to do was keep it 100
on the road to success
i had to sell my soul
dont worry it was worth it
more than gold
but when i look into someone eyes
all i see is cold
stares so un-sincere
how did i get here?
running down a wrong path
while the devil passes a beer
i can easily continue down the path of wrong
saying so long
or i can turn around and find progression
wiping away the tears of this depression
i realize im my only enemy
and to continue on this life i have to be who im meant to be….

-quintasha